Best Chicken Salad Ever (from a non-food blog)

Chicken Salad in Pyrex
Chicken Salad

This is not a food blog. When I do write about food, it’s probably to gush over the genius of In-N-Out’s stream-lined menu, to lament the mystery of thunking watermelon, to praise the goodness known as dry cereal, or to rejoice over finding hidden holiday candy.

It’s not to share a recipe. Except for today. Because sometimes even non-food blogs get hungry. And because I make a mean chicken salad. And when I say “mean” I mean “awesome.”

1. Put the following in a big bowl. If you have a giant red Pyrex bowl from a thrift store, bonus. Measured amounts don’t matter. Truly. Ratios are all that matter. Ingredients are listed in order of decreasing amounts.

  • cooked chicken breasts (I use rotisserie chickens from the grocery store, which goes a long way towards explaining why this isn’t a food blog)
  • halved grapes (lots – any color)
  • chopped celery (a few handfuls)
  • finely chopped green onions (maybe, oh, half a handful – or more, or less)

2. Mix all that stuff together.

3. Add the dressing, which (besides the chicken) is the one ingredient that really matters. Use this kind of dressing. Only this kind. Other kinds aren’t as good. Not even close. Use whatever amount is required for your preferred level of dry-ishness or drippy-ishness.

The only chicken salad dressing you will ever need
The only chicken salad dressing you will ever need

4. Eat – right away (if you waited until the last minute to make dinner because no one could decide what they wanted which probably never happens to you but if it does you know what kind of nameless torture it causes) or after letting it ruminate in the fridge for a bit (if you planned ahead because you’ve been craving chicken salad for weeks both for its deliciousness and its non-cooking-ness.)

That’s all. You’re welcome. Happy weekend.

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