Why this day – and every other day – matters

I wrote these words 12 years ago but could have written them yesterday – not just about the events of that day (because the events of that day are repeated over and over and over again throughout history, in a thousand places and in a thousand ways) but about all of life when it is lived outside of God’s immeasurable, forgiving, majestic, jealous love. (And please do silence your outcry regarding God’s jealousy, for it is not humanly petty. It is gloriously divine. It is for us – all of each one of us – and nothing could be more breathtakingly astounding.)

Some say that 9/11 forever changed our world. God says that today (and every day) He will forever change me. I choose the second.

______

Regarding September 11…
I have a thousand questions I want answered.
I have a thousand fears I want quelled.
I have a thousand thoughts I want sorted out.
I have a thousand concerns I want soothed.
I have a thousand things I want changed.
I have a thousand people I want saved.
I have a thousand places I want seen.
I have a thousand songs I want sung.
I have a thousand steps I want walked.
I have a thousand prayers I want uttered.
I have a thousand bridges I want crossed.
I have a thousand roads I want traveled.
I have a thousand books I want read.
I have a thousand poems I want whispered.
I have a thousand birds I want freed.
I have a thousand trees I want honored.
I have a thousand skies I want admired.
I have a thousand oceans I want remembered.
I have a thousand eyes I want dried.
I have a thousand ears I want opened.
I have a thousand voices I want heard.
I have a thousand wrongs I want forgiven.
I have a thousand mountains I want climbed.
I have a thousand stars I want named.
I have a thousand lives I want lived.
I have a thousand fields I want sown.
I have a thousand rivers I want blessed.
I have a thousand children I want born.
I have a thousand sorrows I want healed.
I have a thousand days I want begun.
I have a thousand years I want danced.
I have a thousand clouds I want explored.

But I have only one God, who is true from the highest heights to the lowest depths, from the farthest east to the farthest west, and from the beginning of always to the end of never.

The god for whom people were willing to die last Tuesday is no god at all.

The true God does not say, “Die for me.” He says, “I’ve died for you – though you did not deserve it.”

The true God does not say, “Hate others.” He says, “Love others – as much as you love yourself.”

The true God does not say, “Crucify the enemy.” He says, “Crucify your heart – so I can create in you a new one.”

Would that the entire world could live in the contented peace of such simple truth as this.

copyright 2013 Crystal Kirgiss

Of God’s deep love and dew-dropped webs

A drop of grace, a strand of love (Photo: CKirgiss)
A drop of grace, a strand of love (Photo: CKirgiss)

When broken anger rages in your heart –

when empty pain presses on your soul –

when bitter shame surges through your mind –

then (and every other “when”) you must stop and breathe and listen, because God is there, quietly and firmly cradling both the universe and you.

In the overwhelming flood of fear and the tangled web of worry there is (indeed) a cleansing drop of grace resting on a delicate strand of love, if only you will look carefully and listen closely.

Do you see? Can you hear? It is saying this:

“Hush, child. No murmurs now. Listen for a moment ( or ten or a thousand) in silence. Listen to My voice – the whisper of truth, the breath of love, the wind of peace. Be still and know. Behold and believe.

Believe that I designed you, then knit you together in the depths of love. Believe that I formed you from the source of life, then brought you into being. Believe that you are meant to be.

I have heard your cries for help. I have rescued you from the pit. I have redeemed you for new life.

I Am. I Am your healer. I Am your savior. I Am your rock. I Am your refuge. I Am your supply. I Am.

I Am the Lord your God. I Am your Abba, Father. There is none other. I alone Am the creator and sustainer of all the exists. Of you.

If you seek to follow other gods, you will be disappointed and discouraged – they are not me.

If you strive to live for yourself, you will be empty and alone – you are not me.

I generously offer undeserved grace within unmeasured love – you may have all of Me.

I jealously desire an undivided heart within a humbled soul – I do want all of you.

When I look at you, I am silenced. I am moved beyond expression. I am amazed and filled with wonder.

I spun the sun. I spoke the moon. I placed the stars. I breathed the universe. And it is good. Indeed it is.

But you – you – are a wonder to me. You are my child. My beloved. My own. More breathtaking than all of creation.

Feel my holy embrace. Trust my joyful presence. Taste my whispered love. Drink my gentle grace. Hear my sacred voice. And believe these words I speak:

You take my breath away.”

Did you hear? Did you taste? Did you see? Do you know? All is changed for one who believes that you take God’s breath away.

Veritas.

Copyright Crystal Kirgiss 2013

 

 

 

 

Miley does not define 20-year olds (or: six people you should know)

Well.

Fifteen hours after millions of people watched 20-year-old Miley Cyrus offer friendly benefits to a foam hand while twerking in the presence of life-sized teddybears – and fourteen-and-three-quarter hours after the entire world began tweeting about it – I find out that there was a bit of a to-do at the VMA awards last night.

Shocking.

I didn’t watch the VMAs last night. Not even as a way to keep pace with the most recent cultural trends. Instead, I rested after spending a weekend away with six Miley-aged college-student youth workers. And by “youth workers” I mean people who minister to teenagers, regardless of whether they get paid for it or not, which in this particular case happens to be “not.”

Fifteen hours after no one watched us sit around an open fire and talk about things as divergent as C. S. Lewis, Herb Brooks, and satellites, no one is tweeting about those particular 20-year olds – which is really a shame because they are the 20-year olds that are going to change the world, sans cable broadcasting, million-dollar budgets, and infinite wardrobe changes.

Instead, they are going to change the world through persistence, patience, and countless live appearances at such extolled venues as the middle-school cafeteria, the high-school track, and the public city park.

I might like to say a few things to Miley – as a musician: “Please work on your rhythm.” -as a mother: “If you keep hanging your tongue out, it will freeze that way.” – as a mentor: “Maybe we should meet more often.”

But I’d rather say a few things about the six 20-year olds that I spent the weekend with and that most of you will never meet.

I’d like to tell you about how they love middle-school and high-school students with their whole selves.

I’d like to tell you about all the ways they invest in teenagers, just so they will know that someone genuinely cares about them.

I’d like to tell you about how much fun they have, how much joy they exude, how much laughter they share.

I’d like to tell you about how they intentionally choose to live life differently than so many of their peers.

I’d like to tell you about how every day they seek to reflect Jesus in all they say and do.

I’d like to tell you about all of the minutes and hours and days and weeks and months and years that they commit to being the hands and feet of Jesus in the lives of teenagers.

I’d like to tell you about how they lead and encourage a large community of other 20ish-year-olds, all of whom are equally committed to knowing and loving and showing Christ’s love to middle- and high-school students.

I’d like to tell you about how much they give up in order to gain the privilege of doing kingdom work in a ministry setting.

I’d like to tell you all of that – and so much more – because those are things that matter. Immensely.

The twerking, the profanity, the lewdness, the degradation, and the mockery seen and heard by millions will all pass away.

But the faith, hope, and love of these six (plus fifty) 20-year olds will remain.

That’s a story (within a Story) worth knowing and being part of.

20-year olds worth knowing (Photo: CKirgiss)
20-year olds worth knowing (Photo: CKirgiss)

Update: After posting this, I realized there is one more thing I might like to say to Miley – as a minister: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made, deeply and eternally loved. Believe it.” Really, that would be the most important thing of all.

The bend in the road…

Bend in the road (Photo: CKirgiss)
Bend in the road (Photo: CKirgiss)

I walked this still, peaceful, and lovely country road a few days back.

I had no idea what lay at its faraway end, nor even what lay just up ahead, around the bend.

I surely do wish that my life were as still, peaceful, and lovely as this road instead of frantic, anxious, and distorted. Fortunately for me, I live life with the One who is the very essence of peace, the very source of beauty, and the very fulfillment of a still, small, quietly whispered voice. Even when my life seems not to be quiet, peaceful, and lovely, the Source of my life is those things. As long as I abide with and drink from Him deeply, there is hope beyond measure.

But also: I surely do wish that my life were not as bent as this road, first in its essence – because way down there, buried under layers of undeserved grace, is a heart bent beyond recognition but for the righteousness of Christ in which it is bathed, once and for all, each and every day – and second in its progression – because up ahead, just within my sight, is a great big bend in the road beyond which I can see nothing. Nothing at all.

It seems like that bend has been there for a mighty long time now. Maybe forever. And for folks like me, a forever-bend is just about unbearable.

Except for this: God works on folks like me. Patiently. Deeply. Lovingly. Daily. And because of that, there comes a day when the bend up ahead, the one beyond which I can see nothing at all, is not such an unbearable thing as it once was. The change in perception is slow coming (especially for folks like me). But come it does. Not in the road itself, but rather in me myself. Because that’s what God does – unbends our bent hearts so they can rest, so they can trust, so they can take their eyes off the bend up ahead and see instead all the still and peaceful beauty that flank us on both sides.

I don’t know if the bend ever goes away entirely, or even gets any closer. I suspect that the life of faith is best lived on a road that runs straight in its purpose even as it bends endlessly in its knowability.  Fortunately for us, we can live life with the One who not only knows all but also can be known. This road is His. He not only walks beside but He also waits up ahead. Around the bend. Meaning that around-the-unknown-and-unseen-bend is not a place to be feared but rather is the most beautiful place to be headed.

…those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint…

Summer’s End (or: Why going back to school sometimes hurts)

Summer's end (Photo: CKirgiss)
Summer’s end (Photo: CKirgiss)

Classes started today at the university where I teach. Classes started last week in the local K-12 public schools and the week before that in the Big City just down the road from me.

But it’s 83 degrees outside today and (says my weather app) the heat will last for several weeks. The flowers are still in bloom. The frogs are still symphonizing every night.  My garden still needs regular weeding.

The timing on this seems all wrong.

But timing in life is rarely predictable and is often surprising. A month ago, Christmas decorations and supplies suddenly appeared in the craft stores. Back-to-school supplies have already been displaced by Halloween candy. Somewhere an Easter rabbit is poised and ready to spring free from its storage space.

It makes my head spin. The discombobulated rhythm of the seasons, holidays, months, and days (for which we can heartily thank Madison Avenue) makes everything seem just a bit off kilter. I shouldn’t see Santa before the harvest is in. I shouldn’t see Halloween candy before school starts. And I shouldn’t see “School is in session” signs until summer is over. Which it isn’t.

Meh.

Thankfully, above and beyond and around and behind and under all of the topsy-turvy calendric nonsense is God’s soft whisper, reassuring me that there is a time for everything that truly matters and season for everything of eternal value. That’s more than any of us deserves and is quite enough to soothe my frazzled sense of annual rhythm back into a place of peace and contentment.

I’m baaaaaack….. (or: Why Middle-Schoolers Are the Awesomest)

Wyldlife boys Wyldlife girls

It’s been a long summer. A long and full summer. A long and full and amazing summer. Mostly because I got to spend 5 of the 10 weeks with awesome middle-schoolers.

That’s right: “middle-schoolers” and “awesome” – all in the same paragraph, same sentence, same phrase.

The reactions I get to spending half my summer with middle-schoolers range from eye-rolls to offers of sympathy. The reactions I get to the fact that I spent half my summer with middle-schoolers – and loved every single second of it – range from disbelief to concern to condolences, as though there’s a direct and quantifiable connection between my love for middle-schoolers and my impending mental demise.

To which I say: phooey.

And phooey again.

Middle-schoolers are simply delightful beyond words, and if I could bundle them all up and bring them home with me, I would (though that would require a pretty big supply of Axe and neon nail polish).

To every middle-schooler I met this summer: thank you for being you.

And to every middle-school doubter out there: you don’t know what you’re missing. Fact.

Best Chicken Salad Ever (from a non-food blog)

Chicken Salad in Pyrex
Chicken Salad

This is not a food blog. When I do write about food, it’s probably to gush over the genius of In-N-Out’s stream-lined menu, to lament the mystery of thunking watermelon, to praise the goodness known as dry cereal, or to rejoice over finding hidden holiday candy.

It’s not to share a recipe. Except for today. Because sometimes even non-food blogs get hungry. And because I make a mean chicken salad. And when I say “mean” I mean “awesome.”

1. Put the following in a big bowl. If you have a giant red Pyrex bowl from a thrift store, bonus. Measured amounts don’t matter. Truly. Ratios are all that matter. Ingredients are listed in order of decreasing amounts.

  • cooked chicken breasts (I use rotisserie chickens from the grocery store, which goes a long way towards explaining why this isn’t a food blog)
  • halved grapes (lots – any color)
  • chopped celery (a few handfuls)
  • finely chopped green onions (maybe, oh, half a handful – or more, or less)

2. Mix all that stuff together.

3. Add the dressing, which (besides the chicken) is the one ingredient that really matters. Use this kind of dressing. Only this kind. Other kinds aren’t as good. Not even close. Use whatever amount is required for your preferred level of dry-ishness or drippy-ishness.

The only chicken salad dressing you will ever need
The only chicken salad dressing you will ever need

4. Eat – right away (if you waited until the last minute to make dinner because no one could decide what they wanted which probably never happens to you but if it does you know what kind of nameless torture it causes) or after letting it ruminate in the fridge for a bit (if you planned ahead because you’ve been craving chicken salad for weeks both for its deliciousness and its non-cooking-ness.)

That’s all. You’re welcome. Happy weekend.

The county fair midway: (not) a taste of heaven

County Fair(is) Wheel (Photo: CKirgiss)
County Fair(is) Wheel (Photo: CKirgiss)

It’s that time of year again –  when tractors, hogs, rabbits, goats, funnel cakes, cotton candy, and homemade jellies all come together to form a week-long holy union .

For kids, nothing is quite as magical as the county fair. All those animals. All those rides. All those prizes. All that food.

For parents, nothing is quite as trying as the county fair. All those animals. All those rides. All those prizes. All that food.

With its bright lights and thrills and feasting and celebrating, the county fair’s midway presents itself as a paradise of sorts, perhaps even a tiny taste of heaven. So much joy. So much excitement. So much fun. So much love.

Wrong.

Last night, while weaving through midway crowds, my husband said, “It’s kind of sad, isn’t it?”

Yes. It is kind of sad. Besides the fact that the midway doesn’t at all resemble even the tiniest taste of heaven – you must buy your way onto rides, you must earn your place, the last in line are in fact the last in line, the gatekeepers are sour grumps – there is this:

The midway is not a place where tears and mourning are no more. The disappointment of not winning, of not having enough tickets, of not getting yet another mountain of cotton candy hangs heavy in the air.

The midway is not a place of safe belonging. The fear of losing one’s children in the crowd reflects in the crazed eyes of parents. The distinct separation of certain small groups is evident in their stance.

The midway is not a place of contented rest. (For that I’d recommend the 4-H barns – specifically the rabbits). The frenetic collision of blinking lights, bawling babies, and barking ride operators is really just a dolled-up version of common stress.

The midway is not real and true. On the back side of all the lights and music and magic and facades is a row of weary looking trailers and bleak storage bins ready to contain the various pieces of a dismantled paradise.

The midway’s not a bad place. Some people appeared to be enjoying themselves. Momentarily. I think.

But the midway is surely a feeble attempt at the best life has to offer, both in the here and in the hereafter.

Why my little corner of the earth is awesome

The little corner of the earth where I live isn’t generally known as being One of the Most Beautiful and Interesting Places in the world.

In fact, my proverbial neck of the woods doesn’t actually have any woods. Or mountains. Or hills. Or oceans. Or lakes – at least not when compared to my former little corner of the earth that was home to, oh, about 10,000 lakes.

(Aside from the lacking topography, this Big Ten Land Grant University town also lacks a Trader Joe’s and an Apple Store, which is just so sad and beyond all comprehension.)

Just an hour or so from my little corner of the earth there are some pretty famous places, both topographically and commercially. A Great Lake and its beaches and dunes. A renowned raceway. A Super-Bowl-famous stadium. That kind of thing.

But here, in my little corner, there are none of those things. Just a great big university. And this:

Indiana bale (Photo: CKirgiss)
Indiana bale (Photo: CKirgiss)
Indiana corn (Photo: CKirgiss)
Indiana corn (Photo: CKirgiss)
Indiana corn (Photo: CKirgiss)
Indiana corn (Photo: CKirgiss)

The round bales and the corn fields in and around my little corner of the earth will never make it into a Traveler’s Guidebook or a Sights-You-Musn’t-Miss-In-Indiana ad.

But truly, they are breathtakingly beautiful in a way that’s difficult to describe. They delight my Nebraska-prairie heritage. They make me proud, even though I had absolutely nothing to do with planting, watering, harvesting, or baling.

Whatever else may be missing, in the little corner of the earth where I live, they grow things. Beautiful and important things.

And I love that.

 

 

 

Tiny journals – from old and used to new and useful

I love journals. Unlined journals. Lots and lots of unlined journals. (You can read my relevant confession here.)

Lately, besides loving unlined journals, I’m also loving small journals. Mini journals. Little journals. Tiny journals. Journals that fit in the palm of my hand. Journals that force a person to choose her words very, very carefully because the tiny books neither offer non-essential empty space nor allow non-essential empty verbiage.

Tiny journals force a person to plan out her words. To think carefully about what she will write on the limited pages. To stop and consider what she is doing rather than rushing into a rambling reflection. (And maybe also to wear extra-strength reading glasses.)

Unlined journals are hard to find. Tiny unlined journals are even harder to find. So I must either fall out of love with them or make my own. I don’t know how to fall out of love, so I have no choice but to make my own, and in the process give new life to limp and worn leather goods.

It’s always gratifying to give new life to an old thing. It’s even more gratifying when the new thing is delightful and wondrous and has a purpose. Thus, while making my tiny journals, I glimpse ever so slightly the joy of the Creator when he remakes an old thing (such as me) into as new thing that has a purpose.

Such is the miracle of tiny, remade, repurposed things.

Mini-journal supplies   Mini-journal supplies

Mini-journal   Mini-journals

These book signatures (top left) are 2″ x 2.24″ and 1″ x 1.5″. I decided to punch the sewing holes (read: skewer them) on a princess coloring book (top right) for what I think are obvious cultural reasons. Note my new bookmaking awl (top right). It’s amazing. Splendid. Stunning. You should probably get one. Today. These little books (bottom left and right) are the remade offspring of a purse (orange), a datebook (navy), a wallet (teal), a coin purse (black), a checkbook clutch (brown), and a skirt (fuscia). The larger of the tiny journals are just the right size for copying out Romans 8. I tested it. The smaller of the tiny journals are just the right size for a favorite Psalm or poem or song or fable or alphabet (regular or runic) or note to a special someone, which would require giving up the tiniest of tiny journals, which would require a long pep talk to self about generosity and sharing and friendship and love.